Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
