I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
