the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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