I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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