Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
