I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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