Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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