You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
