census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
