Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
