I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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