Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
