Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
