a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I am one with the molecules
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
