Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
