Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
