We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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