I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
