This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
