seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
