its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
