theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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