I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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