He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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