GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
