if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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