they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
