allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
