she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
