ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
