If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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