it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize