I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
