all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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