I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
