The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
