I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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