Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Go christen that room with your naked body.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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