i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
