I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
