Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Small penises have feelings too.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
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no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
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You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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