areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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