Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize