so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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