i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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