Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
