If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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