Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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