I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
