it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
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It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
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I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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