Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
