You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize