I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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