Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
