just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
