Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
