apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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