I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
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You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
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BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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