i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize