I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You ruined the universe
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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