i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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