Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
