hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
