I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
