I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
